Saturday, May 10, 2008

Jose's thoughts

It's been over a month now that our world came tumbling down. I have heard of folks being mad or questioning God for allowing these things to happen. Truly, I say that I am not upset nor do I question my God. I believe that we just live in an imperfect world. And this sort of thing just happens. This by no means takes away my emotional pain that I feel in my heart. My heart longs for the soft loving touch of our baby. I watch little babies with their parents and it brings me joy but also a longing to have that soft touch.

I could never understand why my mom never gave up on me or counted me out. A quick story, it was 1991, I was twenty years old and I had just purchased a Ford Mustang GT 5.0, WOW! I was washing it in the front yard and my mom came out and told me to take care of myself and that she was worried about the lifestyle I was living. She finished by asking me if I loved my new car, and I gladly said YES! My mom finished by telling me she loved me a lot more than I loved that car. Now, I am beginning to understand the love that parents have for their children and if we humans can love our kids that much then how much more can God love us all?

God Bless!

1 comment:

blessedwith5 said...

I did not understand the love of my parents until I finally became a parent after 10 years of infertility. As a teenager I was pretty compliant until I fell in love with the man I married and decided that I was "an adult." It was then that I thought my parents were unfair and I revolted their authority. When I turned 18 I moved out of my parents home. We were distant for a year and that time apart was very long. That was over 25 years now - I know I must seem ancient, however I am only 43. After that year, we reconciled and grew closer than ever. I know how it feels to want a child so badly that your entire body aches. Please allow yourself time to grieve your baby! I grew up seeing my mother struggle with the grief of giving birth to her firstborn at six months gestation. Mom was never allowed to see her baby girl named Kathy Lynne. Mom never held her baby and could not attend the funeral because she had not been released from the hospital - guess that was common practice 45 years ago. My Mom was never given the chance to grieve the loss of her firstborn and she still carries that with her today.

My husband and I finally conceived our firstborn in 1992 and delivered her premature at 34 weeks gestation. Katelyn was perfect in every way and was healthy. Katelyn is now 15 and adorable - she still steals my heart away. While pregnant with her and her subsequent birth I realized all of the feelings my mother had for me - even through those terrible teen years. God blessed us with four boys after Katelyn: Ryan is 5 1/2, Cameron 5, EJ is 4 and Cody is 2. I never gave birth again - although we tried for sometime after Katelyn. God chose to bless us with our four boys through adoption. I am still amazed at the plan of God - He never ceases to amaze me.

I know the loss of your pregnancy and baby girl was tremendously hard. I am so sorry and don't quite know the words to say . . . I know that when my arms were aching for a child that God was there for me and he always is no matter what the circumstances.

I saw that you have already read Angie Smith's blog about her baby girl Audrey - her story is so precious and so is yours.

I am new to blogging - have never tried it before. I think it is a wonderful way for people to touch one another in a very special way.

If you want to "talk" my email is and my very, very new blog is:

God Bless,