Once the blog was up, I was so excited. There have been few moments of real joy and happiness in the last few weeks so this was a big deal. We sent out an email to friends and family with the web address - I could hardly sleep that night, I wanted to check to see if anyone posted a comment. Yesterday I checked email and the site several times to see if people had visited. A friend had already shared the site with someone who is experiencing a miscarriage. My heart was full to think that maybe the blog would help someone else who is experiencing this pain.
By the afternoon, after receiving many emails with kind comments about the site, I realized I had unrealistic expectations about the blog. Deep down, I was hoping that if the site helped someone else that all this pain would be worth it and it wouldn't be in vain. Honestly, I don't know if there will ever be a day when I feel that way. The truth is, the pain and loss will always be there, nothing will take that away or diminish our loss. But there is a layer of positive feelings that comes with knowing that maybe our story could help someone else. I was so glad to have this realization, because I might have experienced a lot of let downs if I hadn't recognized that I can and will feel the loss and the hope at the same time.
The pain is enormous. We will always feel a loss in our lives for Chloe. I know it won't always be this intense and it won't be every day, every hour, every minute. As we walk through the grieving process it will get better. I'm thankful to know that is true. The hard part is now. I want to wrap everything up in a pretty pink bow - but life doesn't work like that. Sometimes it is really hard and it doesn't make sense. But hope remains.
child loss; Joel
4 days ago